A Life Update (NaNoWriMo, Old Friends, and Thanksgiving)

Hey friends. It's been a long time, hasn't it? My last blog post was published over a month ago. That was a much longer time than I intended to go without a single blog post. It wasn't that I didn't have the time. For I've come to the realization that the things that you really want to do you'll make time for, at least, in most cases. It was just that I didn't have the motivation. I didn't really want to write a blog post.

Anyways, I am now getting to the long overdue blog post. Since it's been a long time since I've last written, I thought that I'd do a kind of update on what's been going on in my life lately. First of all, I participated in NaNoWriMo, also known as National Novel Writing Month. For those of you who don't know, it is a event that happens every November where writers challenge themselves to write 50,000 words for their WIP within that month. I have done this for the past two years now, this was my third time. The first time I wrote about 50,000 words. The second time I wrote about 70,000 words. This time... Well, here's the stats.

I have to say that I am a little proud of myself this time. I know that I could have written more, because I did have quite a bit of free time, even with all of the writing, I'm alright with what I got. That had been my goal from the beginning so to actually accomplish it felt really good. I couldn't have done it without some great sprinting partners though (Katie, Grace, and Athelas to name a few.).

Also, in the meantime, I was still partially able to have a life so that was fantastic. I was able to watch a whole season of a Korean drama (Fall in Love with Soon-jung) and read a bunch. Of course, I was mostly reading manga, but I did get through a few books too. But after all of that writing, I kind of feel a little dead. I'm going to try to keep up the momentum, but there may need to be a couple days' break first.

You may be wondering why I would tell you all of this without actually telling you what I'm writing about. Well, it's a secret and I think we'll leave it at that. It's not because I don't know how to explain my own writing. Ha. Actually, I'm not that mean, so here's a little description. It was the best way that I could put what I'm writing about into words so don't judge me on the quality of it.

An ice skater, a secret drug addict, who is preparing for the competition of a lifetime. A drug lord's daughter who is trying to break out from her father's tyranny and do what she loves.

What happens when these two worlds collide?

For now, the title is When Two Worlds Collide. This was the first time that I actually came up with the title of the book before I wrote it. I'm pretty happy with it so I hope it sticks.

There was other stuff happening alongside this too. Like the fact that I MET MAGGIE STIEFVATER. I got to meet up with the lovely Aimee Meester and together we went to her book signing. This was my first time doing such a thing and it was wonderful. Maggie is absolutely hilarious. I was basically laughing nonstop throughout the time that she spoke about her new book All the Crooked Saints. Needless to say, I'm fairly excited to read it.

Also, my dad got to come up from Puerto Rico to visit after almost two months of being apart. I was so very glad to see him. We had to pick him up around 1am, but it was totally worth it. Later that day we drove up to Wisconsin to see some old friends that we hadn't seen in at least three years or so. It was the best...and super cold. I love visiting old friends. It is so weird how natural it is to be with them, as if no time had passed at all since we last saw them. But at the same time there is this difference that is hard to describe. Those couple of days passed by so fast and before we knew it we were back with my grandparents and it was Thanksgiving.

I know that I had a lot of things to be grateful for this year, more so than a lot of people. But, to be honest, I found it hard to be thankful this year. I could only seem to focus on all the things that I didn't have and not so much on the things that I did have. I'm not proud of it, but it is the truth. I miss living in our own house. I miss our family being together. I miss living in a place where I have friends who live there too. Another thing that has made me feel a little less than thankful is that my dad left this past week. That was kind of surreal. I slept like two hours to then get up with Mom and take him to the airport at 3am. When we got back, I slept for another three hours.

So, I've been feeling a little down, but I'm trying to focus on the things that I can be grateful for. It's a work in progress. And I'm not sure that it'll ever not be a work in progress, but that's okay.

G Paige

How has November been for you? Did you participate in NaNoWriMo? Tell me all the things!

It is alright to not be fine.

I am a emotional person. I don't want to be, but I am. Emotions take me on a roller coaster everyday of my life. I go from one emotion to the next. Sometimes it's multiple emotions that assault me. It changes like the flip of a switch. One moment I'll be thinking just how good life is. The next moment I'm thinking just how hard this life is. It doesn't take much to change my mood. It's unstable. It's so frustratingly capricious.

I wish that I could say that I exercise control over my emotions. I wish that I could say that there aren't days that I cry. That there aren't days where I wonder what is the point of all of this. That there aren't days that I'm sick of this life. Some days I'm just so depressed. Some days I just feel like I can't do this thing called life anymore. Some days I just want to give up. It would be a lie to say that everything was fine, because everything is not fine. To believe that there are people who live perfect lives and have it all together, is like believing in something out of a fairy tale. It's unrealistic. We all have bad days. We stumble and sometimes, we fall.

But we have to pick ourselves back up again. We have to remember that life is not just something that we will always be stumbling and falling through. We have to remember that life is not an insurmountable mountain. It is not just hardship. It is not just an endless time of pain. Life is full of those beautiful moments that can never be replicated. Life is full of those precious people who mean so much to you. Life is full of love and joy and things that there are no real words to describe. There is meaning to this thing called life. We can't live out our lives without some belief that there is a point to all of this. How could that even be called living?

God gives meaning to life. He gives purpose to our lives. He sent his son to die so that we might live. His grace knows no bounds. We are fully loved by God. There are no conditions attached. Though our greatest deeds are absolutely worthless to him, he still wants our love and devotion and worship. That is something that seems so contradictory to us. By nature, we look out for ways to make a profit. We do what benefits us. God goes against all of that. What kind of benefits did God ever receive from us? Nothing. He created this whole beautiful world. He created us. He wanted us. How did we repay him? We slaughtered his son. We've broken his commandments over and over again.

For some reason, he still loves us. We can't even begin to imagine to why. But it doesn't matter if we understand or not. Either way, he loves us no matter what. He is why we can keep pressing on. He gave everything, unquestionably everything, for us. We owe him what we will never be able to repay. This is why we can live with joy and hope in our hearts. He gave us value. This worth is something that can't be weighted to any amount of money. It is invaluable.

This brings me peace. I have worth. This value won't disappear no matter what I do. I know that there is a purpose to life. God has a written plan for each and everyone of us. And even though life is not always alright, in fact, a lot of the time it is not okay. It's alright. It is alright for it to not be fine. And it's alright for you to admit that life is not okay, because that is truth. That is life.

G Paige

How important are relationships?

It is clear that relationships is major part of our lives. We spend a lot of our time around other people. Whether its family, relatives, friends, coworkers, or strangers, we spend a lot of time with people. We are all human. Or are we? We, as humans, develop relationships with these people that we spend time with, to some degree. In some cases those relationships never go farther than acquaintances. In others, it becomes a deep relationship that'll last a lifetime. And there are many relationships that are somewhere in between those two extremes.

Having acquaintances takes hardly any effort. We all have a lot of acquaintances. But for me personally, and maybe for the majority of people out there, I can't live my life surrounded by only acquaintances. I crave something deeper than that. I want close relationships. Ones that really will last a lifetime. Do you crave those kinds of relationships? Do you find that you thrive off those relationships? I know that I do. Those kind of relationships you don't just suddenly get though. For close relationships, you have to be intentional. You have to want to have a relationship and then you have to act upon that. And it can't be one-sided. Both of the people involved in the relationship have to be intentional about it. It takes effort. It takes work. Sometimes it is easy. Sometimes it is hard.

It is even harder when you are apart. That's when the relationship is put to the test. And unfortunately, that is when you realize who you real friends are. I...deal with this a lot. I move around every couple of years. I usually make a good amount of friends at each place. Then I leave, and sadly that amount of friends goes down. Some people I never talk to again. And I get it. For some people, they probably just don't have any experience with keeping up with long distance relationships. They're used to living near their friends where they have a bunch of opportunities to spend time with those people. And with long distance relationships, you have to put yourself out there to keep in touch with them.

I have trouble keeping in touch with people. I really do. You would think that because I move around a lot that I would have become an expert at this long distance relationship thing. But I'm not. There are times when I keep up with it and I'm talking with people and keeping in touch, days maybe weeks at a time. But then there will be other times where I hardly talk to anyone for weeks. I'll forget about it and just lose myself in my own little world. Or I'll just don't feel like I have the energy to talk to people and so I kind of avoid it. Keeping in touch through long distance doesn't take up physical energy, but it takes up mental energy. And sometimes I don't feel like I can do it. I go through phases of this, on and off. I'll put forth so much effort towards it. Or I'll put forth no effort at all. It frustrates me.

But you know what? No matter how hard it is, it's still so worth it to keep in touch with those that you're close to. If I've learned anything from moving around all the time, I've learned that relationships are one of the most important things in life. I know that it's hard. Trust me, I know how hard it is. But it is still worth it. Those people will be the ones that you will want to go when you feel bombarded with problems or you just want to chat to someone. And those are the ones that you will want to come to you with their problems. Because life, life is meant to be spent with others. It's meant to be spent together. And you'll find that those people mean the world to you.

G Paige

He is Enough

If you've read my recent post, you know how crazy and unusual my life has been lately. It's not been normal, that is for sure. It's been one thing after another and here I am writing this post at six in the morning in a friend's house close to two thousand miles away from home. I never expected to be here. I couldn't even imagine being here. It wasn't even possible in my mind's eye. Neither could I have believed that I would be where I am because of the circumstances that I left. I don't think that anyone could have predicted what happened to Puerto Rico and the surrounding areas. It was an absolute catastrophe. And that doesn't even begin to describe it.

While everything that's going on is tragic, I think that this has also a bit of a blessing in disguise. It has taught me, and is teaching me, so many things. I've been reminded of so much that I take for granted. I've been made aware of so many things that I've forgotten. And it's been one of the most eye-opening experiences for me, personally. For that reason, I try to be thankful.

It's shown exactly just how how easily our material possessions can be taken away. I know so many people who've just lost about everything just because their house is filled up to three feet of water within their house. My house, thankfully, was in a better place than many of the other houses and we didn't lose very much at all. But that didn't make it any less potent. Material things are nothing to God, nothing even to nature. They are easily taken away.

Unsurprisingly, this event has taught me just how much I can live without. When we left, my five other family members and I were only allowed to bring everything we could into a suitcase and a couple of backpacks. I don't know how me managed, but somehow I think everyone had about a week's worth of clothes and such. And you know what? It's been enough. There have been a couple of things that we've had to buy, like wintry clothes that we don't have, but it hasn't been that much. In fact, it's been kind of freeing. You realize how much that you don't have to have. And how big of a difference there is to what you used to think that you needed. It's amazing. We don't need as much as we think. This is not to say that we all need to get rid of most of what we have and live out of a suitcase.

It's exposed me to the fact that I have so many amazing friends. You could not believe the amount of people who have offered for me to stay at their place. It is absolutely mind blowing. I never expected such responses from so many people. It makes me so happy inside to know that so many people care. Friends are important, more important than I ever realized before. These are the friends that have encouraged me, that have lifted me up, that have given me their time, that have let me talk to them about all my problems and rant for an hour or more. These people have given me so much strength. They have given me the energy to keep moving forward. That's it alright to admit that it's hard.

We seem to think that our lives are normal, that they'll always be "normal". That we'll always have the belongings that we have, the opportunities that we take advantage of, the necessities that we need, the time to get everything done, etc. We assume these things as ours and that they'll never be taken away. Unintentially, we think that because things have been the way they are for so long, that they'll stay they'll stay that way. It is such an easy assumption to make. And you only realize how big of an assumption it is when it is challenged. When suddenly the rug is pulled out from under you and you're falling, falling, and falling with nothing to hold onto.

But there isn't nothing to hold onto. God's there. And he'll always be there. Even when it seems like there is nothing that you can lean on, nothing that you can rely upon, there's God. The God who sacrificed his son's life for you. The one who's grace will cover all of your sins. We can give our hope, our trust, our very lives to Him no matter what is going on in our lives. Our lives could be easy right now or our lives could be the hardest that they've ever been. It doesn't matter. God is there either way.

Life is hard. It will still be hard even when you put your faith in God. Sometimes I just want to sit in a corner and cry and wish for an easier life. Other times I want to scream and yell out all of my frustrations to someone, anyone. It feels like I'm going mad, or crazy, many times. It won't always be like this though. God is there, and that gives me hope that someday, someday things will be easier.

G Paige

Living in the Caribbean

I can confidently say that this is one of the most hectic times of my entire life. Life is definitely not "normal" right now. I have never had my life so drastically changed because of a hurricane.

As many of you may know, I live in Puerto Rico. I've been there for a little over two years. And if you have seen anything on the news about the Caribbean, then you know that it is really hectic down there.

It all started after I came home from an absolutely amazing college conference. I hadn't been home for maybe a few days before I heard about hurricane Irma. It quickly became a dangerous hurricane as it approached the island. We were all sure that it was going to hit us hard and we prepared for that. Thank God though, that it barely touched us. It got dark and a little windy, but we were still able to step outside and watch. Unfortunately, it took out our power, internet, and cable. Our neighborhood is one of the few that has generators, but that doesn't give you air conditioning and you can't use your oven or anything that takes up too much power. In a few days, we were off generator power, but still no internet. Almost a week later after Irma, we got internet back. I was so happy about it. I could finally do some schoolwork! How clueless I was. The next day internet was out again. But we all thought everything was back on track when it came on a few days later.

Then I heard about hurricane Maria. I didn't feel too worried about this one. We survived Irma, right? This wouldn't be so bad. We were prepared. Or so I thought. As the day approached that Maria would hit, worry started to eat away at me. I saw how dangerous of a hurricane Maria was becoming and I saw how it was going to make a direct hit with Puerto Rico. The eye of the storm was supposed to pass only a little ways away from where I lived. Would we really be alright? I can't begin to describe all the thoughts that were going through my head at the time. It wasn't too long, almost two weeks from when Irma hit, before it was the day that the Maria was to impact Puerto Rico. That morning, we found out that the military was evacuating all military dependents who wanted to leave, but there was only a limited amount of seats. Since we were military dependents (my dad is in the military), we quickly signed up. There was havoc as we tried to pack. We had to fit all the necessities for six people into one suitcase and a few backpacks. It was absolutely insane, but we somehow managed it and left for the airport. A few hours later, we boarded a C-130 (quite literally, a cargo plane), leaving my dad behind.

I think sitting on that plane was when it really hit. Hurricane Maria became a much bigger danger in my mind than before. It was so much more real. And it scared me. Those cargo planes, they're like the ones in the movies that you see all the military men on when they're heading out for a mission. Those planes make you very thankful for seat belts. If we hadn't been wearing our seat belts, we would have slid to the back of the plane when it took off. It was such a loud plane that you were required to wear hearing protection. The seats vibrated during the whole flight. We made one stop on the other side of the island to pick up a few more people, then we flew directly to Florida. It was a long flight, especially with younger siblings who didn't like staying seated at all. We touched down late at night and had an even later dinner before going to bed exhausted around midnight. The next day we spent at the hotel, anxious for any recent news on what was going on in Puerto Rico. We saw some videos, a few photos and none of them made me feel reassured at all. In fact, they worried me more than before. That morning we lost contact with my dad. He lost cell service. We didn't hear from him until that evening, and even then it was quick and short. That night we booked flights for the next day to my grandparents.

Since September 21st, we've been with family. We don't know when we'll be able to return to Puerto Rico. Rumors are that it will be four to six months before everything is back and running normally. I feel kind of like I'm in a daze. Like this isn't real. In one day, I went from thinking that I was going to weather a hurricane to being in Florida. It was only two days later and I was in Ohio. This feels so surreal. I don't know where to begin on how to describe it. I'm finally starting to settle into a routine, but it's still not normal. I want some normalcy. I want to be "home". But you know what? I'm okay with where I'm at (or I'm trying very hard to be). Sometimes, things happen that you never would expect. Things that you could never anticipate. Sometimes, life throws things at you (like hurricanes) that destroy whatever plans you had set to fulfill. And sometimes, you just have to go with it. You just have to trust that this is somehow a part of God's plan for your life, even if you have no idea how.

That's where I'm at right now. I have no idea what's to come. Right now, I'm just beginning to realize how much of a adventure life can be.

G Paige