Life is a Journey

I have come to this page many times. Over and over again I've tried to write a post, any post for that matter. But...I never get more than a few sentences in. I have no motivation. Writing used to be such a big part of my life, but lately I haven't done anything of the sort. Me writing hasn't stopped entirely, it just takes different forms now. In my journaling and in my art and in some social media posts. But certainly I haven't been writing as much as I once was. It was bothering me so much for so long. Then I realized that life consists of changes. There are many different stages of life that we walk through. Maybe I should worry less about not doing something and more on what do I need to be doing right here and now.

What should I being doing right now? I'm not entirely sure. I know that I always have the desire to DO something. To make a difference. To have an impact. To change people's lives. One of my biggest fears is living my life without ever doing anything meaningful. I don't want to waste the life that God has given me. But in the hurry to reach that undefinable "something," I find myself missing out on the life that is unfolding around me. Not just that, but I'm missing out on my own life. I'm not enjoying the journey. I am not happy with where I am right now.

There will always be goals to strive towards. There will always be something to run after. Those goals, those things aren't everything. More than half of it is the journey that it takes to get there. The experiences that one has. The growth that happens. The things that on learns.  The hard work that is put in. All the tears, the laughs that happen. The relationships that are made. All these things make up a huge part of doing something or reaching a goal. None of these things should be considered meaningless. They all play a part in making you who you are.

Time is constantly moving. It never stops. Not for you. Not for anyone. Time is always moving forward. But this doesn't mean that we should rush towards the goals or that "something." No. We should realize that life is going to move forward whether we want it to or not. So what's the rush? It is all happening on God's time. There's definitely the urge to move, that's a good thing, but we certainly don't have to rush. Be present where you are. That's something I'm trying hard to learn.

So much has been happening in my life lately. Some big changes are possibly coming up if everything goes smoothly. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I think I'm making the right decisions, but who will really know? I don't know the future. The idea scares me. Lately, I feel like I have more questions than answers. It is frustrating sometimes. But even that is progress. You have to have questions in order to be able to answer them. You can't have answers without questions. I'm going to continue to move forward, forward in the belief that God is in control. The best thing that I can do is take things one step at a time and be present where I am. Life is a journey. There will be good times. There will be bad times. But such is life. That shouldn't stop one from enjoying it when possible and living to the fullest.

G. Paige

Life. People. Purpose. Meaning. What's Important?

I'm here.

Can you hear me?

The silence is deafening.

Does it make a difference whether I write or not? I would like to think that it does. Maybe, just maybe, my words will mean something to someone.

Words. They can mean so many different things. Hope. Anger. Joy. Sadness. Contentment. The list is long. Much longer than the space I have here.

Life is a hectic, busy mess. Seeing friends, both old and new. Conversations, some involving tears. Others that make me so happy that I can't help but smile.

Often, there are times when I'm just done. I don't want to have anything to do with this world or the people in it. It's too hard. But sometimes, I'm able to see the beauty of life. Though there are times when it is so hard to just keep moving forward, that makes those precious moments and memories so much sweeter.

Life is not just about me. I've known that for a long time. But I think that I've only fully begun to understand just what that means when you live it out. It involves going out of your way to make a difference in the lives of the people around you. Sometimes that's as simple as sending a text to someone, showing him or her that you care and you're thinking of them. Other times it takes a little more effort. Like taking time out of your day to talk to someone who's struggling. Or spending some money to make another person's day. It takes effort. It's hard. But the results are so worth it.

It is so much more important to understand that what you do matters. Especially since life isn't about you...or me. It really matters. Every action you take has some effect on those around you. There's no way around it. What you do matters. So find what's important to you. What is your purpose? Find those things that fulfill your purpose and bring meaning into your life. Once you find them, pursue them. Don't pursue them halfheartedly. PURSUE THEM. Chase them. If it takes doing something that you don't enjoy for the time being to get to what you do enjoy. Do it. If it takes letting go of some things in order to spend time on what's actually important to you. Do it. Don't wait. Nothing's going to change until you make a move.

Plenty of people talk about waiting for an answer from God before making a move to follow or pursue some dream. I'm not against that. There's a time and a place for that. For sure. But more often than not I find that we need to make the first move before we get an answer from God. Let's say that you're in the driver's seat of a car. God is the steering wheel to lead you in the right direction. You have to press the gas pedal in order for God to steer you in the right direction. The steering wheel is useless until the car is moving. You can't tell which direction you're headed until you start to move. And maybe there will be a time that you'll head in the wrong direction. That's entirely possible. In fact, it is probable. For that, I can tell you only one thing. God is great at redirecting. He will make sure that you are following the plan that he has for your life even though you can't see it. He knows your purpose backward and forwards. He's not going to let you go down the wrong path forever.

G Paige

It is alright to not be fine.

I am a emotional person. I don't want to be, but I am. Emotions take me on a roller coaster everyday of my life. I go from one emotion to the next. Sometimes it's multiple emotions that assault me. It changes like the flip of a switch. One moment I'll be thinking just how good life is. The next moment I'm thinking just how hard this life is. It doesn't take much to change my mood. It's unstable. It's so frustratingly capricious.

I wish that I could say that I exercise control over my emotions. I wish that I could say that there aren't days that I cry. That there aren't days where I wonder what is the point of all of this. That there aren't days that I'm sick of this life. Some days I'm just so depressed. Some days I just feel like I can't do this thing called life anymore. Some days I just want to give up. It would be a lie to say that everything was fine, because everything is not fine. To believe that there are people who live perfect lives and have it all together, is like believing in something out of a fairy tale. It's unrealistic. We all have bad days. We stumble and sometimes, we fall.

But we have to pick ourselves back up again. We have to remember that life is not just something that we will always be stumbling and falling through. We have to remember that life is not an insurmountable mountain. It is not just hardship. It is not just an endless time of pain. Life is full of those beautiful moments that can never be replicated. Life is full of those precious people who mean so much to you. Life is full of love and joy and things that there are no real words to describe. There is meaning to this thing called life. We can't live out our lives without some belief that there is a point to all of this. How could that even be called living?

God gives meaning to life. He gives purpose to our lives. He sent his son to die so that we might live. His grace knows no bounds. We are fully loved by God. There are no conditions attached. Though our greatest deeds are absolutely worthless to him, he still wants our love and devotion and worship. That is something that seems so contradictory to us. By nature, we look out for ways to make a profit. We do what benefits us. God goes against all of that. What kind of benefits did God ever receive from us? Nothing. He created this whole beautiful world. He created us. He wanted us. How did we repay him? We slaughtered his son. We've broken his commandments over and over again.

For some reason, he still loves us. We can't even begin to imagine to why. But it doesn't matter if we understand or not. Either way, he loves us no matter what. He is why we can keep pressing on. He gave everything, unquestionably everything, for us. We owe him what we will never be able to repay. This is why we can live with joy and hope in our hearts. He gave us value. This worth is something that can't be weighted to any amount of money. It is invaluable.

This brings me peace. I have worth. This value won't disappear no matter what I do. I know that there is a purpose to life. God has a written plan for each and everyone of us. And even though life is not always alright, in fact, a lot of the time it is not okay. It's alright. It is alright for it to not be fine. And it's alright for you to admit that life is not okay, because that is truth. That is life.

G Paige