It is alright to not be fine.

I am a emotional person. I don't want to be, but I am. Emotions take me on a roller coaster everyday of my life. I go from one emotion to the next. Sometimes it's multiple emotions that assault me. It changes like the flip of a switch. One moment I'll be thinking just how good life is. The next moment I'm thinking just how hard this life is. It doesn't take much to change my mood. It's unstable. It's so frustratingly capricious.

I wish that I could say that I exercise control over my emotions. I wish that I could say that there aren't days that I cry. That there aren't days where I wonder what is the point of all of this. That there aren't days that I'm sick of this life. Some days I'm just so depressed. Some days I just feel like I can't do this thing called life anymore. Some days I just want to give up. It would be a lie to say that everything was fine, because everything is not fine. To believe that there are people who live perfect lives and have it all together, is like believing in something out of a fairy tale. It's unrealistic. We all have bad days. We stumble and sometimes, we fall.

But we have to pick ourselves back up again. We have to remember that life is not just something that we will always be stumbling and falling through. We have to remember that life is not an insurmountable mountain. It is not just hardship. It is not just an endless time of pain. Life is full of those beautiful moments that can never be replicated. Life is full of those precious people who mean so much to you. Life is full of love and joy and things that there are no real words to describe. There is meaning to this thing called life. We can't live out our lives without some belief that there is a point to all of this. How could that even be called living?

God gives meaning to life. He gives purpose to our lives. He sent his son to die so that we might live. His grace knows no bounds. We are fully loved by God. There are no conditions attached. Though our greatest deeds are absolutely worthless to him, he still wants our love and devotion and worship. That is something that seems so contradictory to us. By nature, we look out for ways to make a profit. We do what benefits us. God goes against all of that. What kind of benefits did God ever receive from us? Nothing. He created this whole beautiful world. He created us. He wanted us. How did we repay him? We slaughtered his son. We've broken his commandments over and over again.

For some reason, he still loves us. We can't even begin to imagine to why. But it doesn't matter if we understand or not. Either way, he loves us no matter what. He is why we can keep pressing on. He gave everything, unquestionably everything, for us. We owe him what we will never be able to repay. This is why we can live with joy and hope in our hearts. He gave us value. This worth is something that can't be weighted to any amount of money. It is invaluable.

This brings me peace. I have worth. This value won't disappear no matter what I do. I know that there is a purpose to life. God has a written plan for each and everyone of us. And even though life is not always alright, in fact, a lot of the time it is not okay. It's alright. It is alright for it to not be fine. And it's alright for you to admit that life is not okay, because that is truth. That is life.

G Paige