Thankfulness Thursday

November.

A month of Thanksgiving.

So much has happened since I last wrote.

I don't remember a year where things were constantly changing so much. I love change. I really and honestly do. But there's change that makes me feel so much joy and excited inside and then there's change that is sad and painful. Things are constantly changing. None of us have a chance of stopping it. It is just the way that the world works. We just have to constantly readjust to the change.

There's been a lot of both lately. Last week, I left Michigan. Long before the sun began to rise, my two roommates drove me to the airport. There were heartfelt goodbyes to be had. The three of us had lived out our lives together for more than four and a half months. We had become close. Really close. I left them Wednesday and have been holding back tears ever since.

The night before I left, we were all seated around the table. It was quiet, each of us lost in our thoughts. Somber ones at that. It was at that moment that one of my roommates suggested each of us going around and telling our favorite memory of the others. As we went around, I realized just how much I have to be thankful for. Leaving them was one of the hardest things that I've done. Truly. But I wouldn't have missed going to Michigan for the world. The skills I acquired there. The relationships that I developed. Even though it made it so much harder to leave, it was still so worth it to go.

I've had the opportunity to travel a lot. Traveling is something that I've come to absolutely love. I can't even imagine a life where I lived in the same area for more than a few years. It's hard to just think about. One of the hardships of moving around is all the people I leave behind. I've said more goodbyes than I care to count. But the world is small. I have friends in many different places so there's a good chance that we'll meet again.

This gives me hope. But even if I don't see them again, I still find worth in investing in those relationships. Relationships are so important. Whether it's long distance or close, invest time in people. Things are constantly changing in this day and age. But relationships are constant. The relationship itself may morph and change over the years, but it is still there. You can move away and still keep in touch.

I am so thankful for the relationships that I have. I wouldn't change any of them. They mean more to me than anything. Things fade and pass away, but the people, the people stay.

G Paige

This post is a part of Grace's blog link-up Thankfulness Thursday.

Click the link and check her blog out!

Life. People. Purpose. Meaning. What's Important?

I'm here.

Can you hear me?

The silence is deafening.

Does it make a difference whether I write or not? I would like to think that it does. Maybe, just maybe, my words will mean something to someone.

Words. They can mean so many different things. Hope. Anger. Joy. Sadness. Contentment. The list is long. Much longer than the space I have here.

Life is a hectic, busy mess. Seeing friends, both old and new. Conversations, some involving tears. Others that make me so happy that I can't help but smile.

Often, there are times when I'm just done. I don't want to have anything to do with this world or the people in it. It's too hard. But sometimes, I'm able to see the beauty of life. Though there are times when it is so hard to just keep moving forward, that makes those precious moments and memories so much sweeter.

Life is not just about me. I've known that for a long time. But I think that I've only fully begun to understand just what that means when you live it out. It involves going out of your way to make a difference in the lives of the people around you. Sometimes that's as simple as sending a text to someone, showing him or her that you care and you're thinking of them. Other times it takes a little more effort. Like taking time out of your day to talk to someone who's struggling. Or spending some money to make another person's day. It takes effort. It's hard. But the results are so worth it.

It is so much more important to understand that what you do matters. Especially since life isn't about you...or me. It really matters. Every action you take has some effect on those around you. There's no way around it. What you do matters. So find what's important to you. What is your purpose? Find those things that fulfill your purpose and bring meaning into your life. Once you find them, pursue them. Don't pursue them halfheartedly. PURSUE THEM. Chase them. If it takes doing something that you don't enjoy for the time being to get to what you do enjoy. Do it. If it takes letting go of some things in order to spend time on what's actually important to you. Do it. Don't wait. Nothing's going to change until you make a move.

Plenty of people talk about waiting for an answer from God before making a move to follow or pursue some dream. I'm not against that. There's a time and a place for that. For sure. But more often than not I find that we need to make the first move before we get an answer from God. Let's say that you're in the driver's seat of a car. God is the steering wheel to lead you in the right direction. You have to press the gas pedal in order for God to steer you in the right direction. The steering wheel is useless until the car is moving. You can't tell which direction you're headed until you start to move. And maybe there will be a time that you'll head in the wrong direction. That's entirely possible. In fact, it is probable. For that, I can tell you only one thing. God is great at redirecting. He will make sure that you are following the plan that he has for your life even though you can't see it. He knows your purpose backward and forwards. He's not going to let you go down the wrong path forever.

G Paige

A Life Update (First Job and Missions Trip)

It's been so long. Like really REALLY long. I feel like I've forgotten how to blog. This is not what was supposed to happen. At least, it is not what I wanted to happen. I actually want to be more consistent with blogging, but that's hard to believe with the way that I've been blogging lately. There are many reasons why I haven't been blogging. A big part of it is procrastination. Hahaha. I need to work on that side of me. That's not all though. Surprisingly, I have some very important reasons for not blogging of late.

For one thing, my life has turned around. In all honesty, I feel like I've been stuck in a ditch for the past couple of years. My life wasn't awful, in fact, it was quite good. I just feel like I've been in the same place in my life for awhile and I've wanted something to change but I didn't know how to go about doing that. Last summer was amazing. I went to my first college conference and met so many amazing people. I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something. But when I got back home, I felt like I was right back where I started.

Well, in April I applied for an internship. Now this wasn't a nearby internship. It was a job in Michigan for a few months. I've wanted a job for awhile now, but it's hard to get a job in Puerto Rico when you're not fluent in Spanish. Another thing is I do not have a driver's license or car that would enable me to go to work. This also because a problem for the internship I was looking into in Michigan, but a sweet friend saw how I wanted to do this internship but wasn't able to because of the above reasons. She was planning on doing the same internship and offered to drive me around. I could not believe this. Later another friend told me the same thing. We'd be all roommating together too. I couldn't believe it! I have some amazing friends. Eventually, I applied and got the job. June 17th I flew to Michigan and I've been working since Monday. It's been great. I have such incredible coworkers and I'm learning a lot from this experience. It's crazy to be away from family though. I don't believe I'll be going back until sometime in November.

That's not the only major change in my life though. My school, Lumerit Scholar teams up with Global Encounters and does a short term missions trip to Ecuador every year. I heard about it earlier this year, but kind of dismissed. Ecuador wasn't one of the places that I really wanted to go to. Also, I knew that the team would be working with kids and  I wasn't sure if that was something that I could do well. Then I saw a post from a friend about it in late March. I looked into it and realized that I could really do this if I wanted to. I've always wanted to do long term missions work, but I've realized that I won't know if that is something that I'm meant to do until I went on a short term missions trip. I saw this as an opportunity to find that out. And seriously, was I really going to be so picky about where I went? It felt like the missions trip was staring me in the face. So what did I do? I applied. AND I WENT TO ECUADOR.

Words can't describe my experience there in May. This picture hardly does the trip justice. The team and I spent time working with kids and teens. We did songs, skits, games, stories, and crafts. With the teams, we were able to go a little deeper and be a little more personal, talking about life purpose and relationships. While we were there to teach them about the Gospel, I too learned so much. I stepped outside my comfort zone the moment I got there and I don't think that there was a time when I was in my comfort zone in Ecuador. It expanded my comfort zone significantly. I found myself enjoying public speaking, though in the past I have always hated it. I tried many different foods, like humitas and quimbolitos. I hiked from 11,000 feet to 14,000 feet, one of the hardest things I've ever done. The mountains of Ecuador are beautiful. The people there are wonderful. I had a amazing team. Some of the team and I did a bit of swing dancing and salsa dancing on the rooftop at the hostel we stayed at. There were many late nights and deep conversations. There was lots of laughter and hugs. It was hard to say goodbye. I think I left a part of my heart there in Ecuador. I am so thankful that I went. I know for sure that I want to do more missions trips.

So many things have happened. There's been a lot of changes. I'm still trying to process it all. I honestly don't know how life is going to change from day to day. What ever plans I had for this year I've left in the dust, but I am much more happy with where I am now than anything that I could have imagined. God has greater plans in store for us than anything that we could come up with. 

G Paige

Where has life taken you of late? What are you doing for the summer?

I want to hear from you!

You are not alone.

I was recently struck with the realization of how precious life is...and how fragile it is. Life is radiant, vibrant, so full of...essence. But it is also very delicate. It is like a wisp of smoke that disperses into the air. It is soon long forgotten and never to be seen again.

If you didn't know, I listen to a lot of K-pop (Korean pop music). It wasn't long ago that an artist, who I have listened to, died. His death was investigated and it is believed that he committed suicide. Now, I don't know much about this person at all. I've listened to his music, I've watched some of his YouTube videos here and there. That's about it. But it was still devastating to hear this news. Such cases like this are not uncommon, I've heard of stories that are similar. But this time it struck me harder than before. I don't know why, but it did. And it hurts. It hurts to know that someone died by their own hand because they couldn't deal with living in this world any longer.

Life is precious. It is more precious than money or fame. It is more precious than the world itself. Why? Because there is a God who created each and every one of us to the tiniest detail. There isn't a single thing that he doesn't know about us. Those reasons alone should give us more than enough to understand how valued we are. If that isn't enough, we are the only beings, out of everything that he has made, that was created in his image. We are God's creation. We are loved and valued by him. Because honestly, why would he create something that he didn't love and enjoy? We can't begin to understand his thoughts or motives, but the truth is there for us to see. We are his and he is there for us.

I'm not saying that he is there some of the time. God is there all of the time. Even in those moments where one thing after another goes wrong. Even when it feels like everyone has their life together, but you feel like yours is falling to pieces. You're not alone. No one is ever alone. I don't want you to ever feel that way. I know that feeling. It's crippling. It halts everything that is going on in your life and it just consumes your mind. I struggle with it a lot. Every time I move and settle into a new place, a new home, I feel so alone. With the technology that there is today, I can still keep in touch with everyone who I'm friends with. But that doesn't even remotely compare to a face to face conversation.

No matter where you are, no matter what's going on in your life, God is there for you. It may seem like he's distant, like he's never really there. But that is not true. He's always there. Sometimes, he's just silent. Sometimes, he's working in ways that you can't physically see. And that's alright. You just have to trust that he knows what is best for you. That trust is something that I have to constantly work on. I go back and forth on how strong my trust is in him. But trusting him is the only way to feel truly comforted, to be at peace. There is no other way.

And I want you to know that I am here too. You're not alone. God is with you but there are also people around you that here for you. All you have to do is allow them to be there for you. If you're ever need someone to listen to you or maybe to just be there for you, I'm here. Don't allow yourself to be shut off from those who care about you. Their care for you is not pointless. They want to be of help...and so do I.

G Paige

A Life Update (NaNoWriMo, Old Friends, and Thanksgiving)

Hey friends. It's been a long time, hasn't it? My last blog post was published over a month ago. That was a much longer time than I intended to go without a single blog post. It wasn't that I didn't have the time. For I've come to the realization that the things that you really want to do you'll make time for, at least, in most cases. It was just that I didn't have the motivation. I didn't really want to write a blog post.

Anyways, I am now getting to the long overdue blog post. Since it's been a long time since I've last written, I thought that I'd do a kind of update on what's been going on in my life lately. First of all, I participated in NaNoWriMo, also known as National Novel Writing Month. For those of you who don't know, it is a event that happens every November where writers challenge themselves to write 50,000 words for their WIP within that month. I have done this for the past two years now, this was my third time. The first time I wrote about 50,000 words. The second time I wrote about 70,000 words. This time... Well, here's the stats.

I have to say that I am a little proud of myself this time. I know that I could have written more, because I did have quite a bit of free time, even with all of the writing, I'm alright with what I got. That had been my goal from the beginning so to actually accomplish it felt really good. I couldn't have done it without some great sprinting partners though (Katie, Grace, and Athelas to name a few.).

Also, in the meantime, I was still partially able to have a life so that was fantastic. I was able to watch a whole season of a Korean drama (Fall in Love with Soon-jung) and read a bunch. Of course, I was mostly reading manga, but I did get through a few books too. But after all of that writing, I kind of feel a little dead. I'm going to try to keep up the momentum, but there may need to be a couple days' break first.

You may be wondering why I would tell you all of this without actually telling you what I'm writing about. Well, it's a secret and I think we'll leave it at that. It's not because I don't know how to explain my own writing. Ha. Actually, I'm not that mean, so here's a little description. It was the best way that I could put what I'm writing about into words so don't judge me on the quality of it.

An ice skater, a secret drug addict, who is preparing for the competition of a lifetime. A drug lord's daughter who is trying to break out from her father's tyranny and do what she loves.

What happens when these two worlds collide?

For now, the title is When Two Worlds Collide. This was the first time that I actually came up with the title of the book before I wrote it. I'm pretty happy with it so I hope it sticks.

There was other stuff happening alongside this too. Like the fact that I MET MAGGIE STIEFVATER. I got to meet up with the lovely Aimee Meester and together we went to her book signing. This was my first time doing such a thing and it was wonderful. Maggie is absolutely hilarious. I was basically laughing nonstop throughout the time that she spoke about her new book All the Crooked Saints. Needless to say, I'm fairly excited to read it.

Also, my dad got to come up from Puerto Rico to visit after almost two months of being apart. I was so very glad to see him. We had to pick him up around 1am, but it was totally worth it. Later that day we drove up to Wisconsin to see some old friends that we hadn't seen in at least three years or so. It was the best...and super cold. I love visiting old friends. It is so weird how natural it is to be with them, as if no time had passed at all since we last saw them. But at the same time there is this difference that is hard to describe. Those couple of days passed by so fast and before we knew it we were back with my grandparents and it was Thanksgiving.

I know that I had a lot of things to be grateful for this year, more so than a lot of people. But, to be honest, I found it hard to be thankful this year. I could only seem to focus on all the things that I didn't have and not so much on the things that I did have. I'm not proud of it, but it is the truth. I miss living in our own house. I miss our family being together. I miss living in a place where I have friends who live there too. Another thing that has made me feel a little less than thankful is that my dad left this past week. That was kind of surreal. I slept like two hours to then get up with Mom and take him to the airport at 3am. When we got back, I slept for another three hours.

So, I've been feeling a little down, but I'm trying to focus on the things that I can be grateful for. It's a work in progress. And I'm not sure that it'll ever not be a work in progress, but that's okay.

G Paige

How has November been for you? Did you participate in NaNoWriMo? Tell me all the things!

How important are relationships?

It is clear that relationships is major part of our lives. We spend a lot of our time around other people. Whether its family, relatives, friends, coworkers, or strangers, we spend a lot of time with people. We are all human. Or are we? We, as humans, develop relationships with these people that we spend time with, to some degree. In some cases those relationships never go farther than acquaintances. In others, it becomes a deep relationship that'll last a lifetime. And there are many relationships that are somewhere in between those two extremes.

Having acquaintances takes hardly any effort. We all have a lot of acquaintances. But for me personally, and maybe for the majority of people out there, I can't live my life surrounded by only acquaintances. I crave something deeper than that. I want close relationships. Ones that really will last a lifetime. Do you crave those kinds of relationships? Do you find that you thrive off those relationships? I know that I do. Those kind of relationships you don't just suddenly get though. For close relationships, you have to be intentional. You have to want to have a relationship and then you have to act upon that. And it can't be one-sided. Both of the people involved in the relationship have to be intentional about it. It takes effort. It takes work. Sometimes it is easy. Sometimes it is hard.

It is even harder when you are apart. That's when the relationship is put to the test. And unfortunately, that is when you realize who you real friends are. I...deal with this a lot. I move around every couple of years. I usually make a good amount of friends at each place. Then I leave, and sadly that amount of friends goes down. Some people I never talk to again. And I get it. For some people, they probably just don't have any experience with keeping up with long distance relationships. They're used to living near their friends where they have a bunch of opportunities to spend time with those people. And with long distance relationships, you have to put yourself out there to keep in touch with them.

I have trouble keeping in touch with people. I really do. You would think that because I move around a lot that I would have become an expert at this long distance relationship thing. But I'm not. There are times when I keep up with it and I'm talking with people and keeping in touch, days maybe weeks at a time. But then there will be other times where I hardly talk to anyone for weeks. I'll forget about it and just lose myself in my own little world. Or I'll just don't feel like I have the energy to talk to people and so I kind of avoid it. Keeping in touch through long distance doesn't take up physical energy, but it takes up mental energy. And sometimes I don't feel like I can do it. I go through phases of this, on and off. I'll put forth so much effort towards it. Or I'll put forth no effort at all. It frustrates me.

But you know what? No matter how hard it is, it's still so worth it to keep in touch with those that you're close to. If I've learned anything from moving around all the time, I've learned that relationships are one of the most important things in life. I know that it's hard. Trust me, I know how hard it is. But it is still worth it. Those people will be the ones that you will want to go when you feel bombarded with problems or you just want to chat to someone. And those are the ones that you will want to come to you with their problems. Because life, life is meant to be spent with others. It's meant to be spent together. And you'll find that those people mean the world to you.

G Paige

He is Enough

If you've read my recent post, you know how crazy and unusual my life has been lately. It's not been normal, that is for sure. It's been one thing after another and here I am writing this post at six in the morning in a friend's house close to two thousand miles away from home. I never expected to be here. I couldn't even imagine being here. It wasn't even possible in my mind's eye. Neither could I have believed that I would be where I am because of the circumstances that I left. I don't think that anyone could have predicted what happened to Puerto Rico and the surrounding areas. It was an absolute catastrophe. And that doesn't even begin to describe it.

While everything that's going on is tragic, I think that this has also a bit of a blessing in disguise. It has taught me, and is teaching me, so many things. I've been reminded of so much that I take for granted. I've been made aware of so many things that I've forgotten. And it's been one of the most eye-opening experiences for me, personally. For that reason, I try to be thankful.

It's shown exactly just how how easily our material possessions can be taken away. I know so many people who've just lost about everything just because their house is filled up to three feet of water within their house. My house, thankfully, was in a better place than many of the other houses and we didn't lose very much at all. But that didn't make it any less potent. Material things are nothing to God, nothing even to nature. They are easily taken away.

Unsurprisingly, this event has taught me just how much I can live without. When we left, my five other family members and I were only allowed to bring everything we could into a suitcase and a couple of backpacks. I don't know how me managed, but somehow I think everyone had about a week's worth of clothes and such. And you know what? It's been enough. There have been a couple of things that we've had to buy, like wintry clothes that we don't have, but it hasn't been that much. In fact, it's been kind of freeing. You realize how much that you don't have to have. And how big of a difference there is to what you used to think that you needed. It's amazing. We don't need as much as we think. This is not to say that we all need to get rid of most of what we have and live out of a suitcase.

It's exposed me to the fact that I have so many amazing friends. You could not believe the amount of people who have offered for me to stay at their place. It is absolutely mind blowing. I never expected such responses from so many people. It makes me so happy inside to know that so many people care. Friends are important, more important than I ever realized before. These are the friends that have encouraged me, that have lifted me up, that have given me their time, that have let me talk to them about all my problems and rant for an hour or more. These people have given me so much strength. They have given me the energy to keep moving forward. That's it alright to admit that it's hard.

We seem to think that our lives are normal, that they'll always be "normal". That we'll always have the belongings that we have, the opportunities that we take advantage of, the necessities that we need, the time to get everything done, etc. We assume these things as ours and that they'll never be taken away. Unintentially, we think that because things have been the way they are for so long, that they'll stay they'll stay that way. It is such an easy assumption to make. And you only realize how big of an assumption it is when it is challenged. When suddenly the rug is pulled out from under you and you're falling, falling, and falling with nothing to hold onto.

But there isn't nothing to hold onto. God's there. And he'll always be there. Even when it seems like there is nothing that you can lean on, nothing that you can rely upon, there's God. The God who sacrificed his son's life for you. The one who's grace will cover all of your sins. We can give our hope, our trust, our very lives to Him no matter what is going on in our lives. Our lives could be easy right now or our lives could be the hardest that they've ever been. It doesn't matter. God is there either way.

Life is hard. It will still be hard even when you put your faith in God. Sometimes I just want to sit in a corner and cry and wish for an easier life. Other times I want to scream and yell out all of my frustrations to someone, anyone. It feels like I'm going mad, or crazy, many times. It won't always be like this though. God is there, and that gives me hope that someday, someday things will be easier.

G Paige