Life is a Journey

I have come to this page many times. Over and over again I've tried to write a post, any post for that matter. But...I never get more than a few sentences in. I have no motivation. Writing used to be such a big part of my life, but lately I haven't done anything of the sort. Me writing hasn't stopped entirely, it just takes different forms now. In my journaling and in my art and in some social media posts. But certainly I haven't been writing as much as I once was. It was bothering me so much for so long. Then I realized that life consists of changes. There are many different stages of life that we walk through. Maybe I should worry less about not doing something and more on what do I need to be doing right here and now.

What should I being doing right now? I'm not entirely sure. I know that I always have the desire to DO something. To make a difference. To have an impact. To change people's lives. One of my biggest fears is living my life without ever doing anything meaningful. I don't want to waste the life that God has given me. But in the hurry to reach that undefinable "something," I find myself missing out on the life that is unfolding around me. Not just that, but I'm missing out on my own life. I'm not enjoying the journey. I am not happy with where I am right now.

There will always be goals to strive towards. There will always be something to run after. Those goals, those things aren't everything. More than half of it is the journey that it takes to get there. The experiences that one has. The growth that happens. The things that on learns.  The hard work that is put in. All the tears, the laughs that happen. The relationships that are made. All these things make up a huge part of doing something or reaching a goal. None of these things should be considered meaningless. They all play a part in making you who you are.

Time is constantly moving. It never stops. Not for you. Not for anyone. Time is always moving forward. But this doesn't mean that we should rush towards the goals or that "something." No. We should realize that life is going to move forward whether we want it to or not. So what's the rush? It is all happening on God's time. There's definitely the urge to move, that's a good thing, but we certainly don't have to rush. Be present where you are. That's something I'm trying hard to learn.

So much has been happening in my life lately. Some big changes are possibly coming up if everything goes smoothly. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I think I'm making the right decisions, but who will really know? I don't know the future. The idea scares me. Lately, I feel like I have more questions than answers. It is frustrating sometimes. But even that is progress. You have to have questions in order to be able to answer them. You can't have answers without questions. I'm going to continue to move forward, forward in the belief that God is in control. The best thing that I can do is take things one step at a time and be present where I am. Life is a journey. There will be good times. There will be bad times. But such is life. That shouldn't stop one from enjoying it when possible and living to the fullest.

G. Paige

God's Grace through the Challenges

It's been so long since I last posted. It feels like a lifetime ago. My life has been constantly changing ever since the beginning of last year. I don't think there's been much of anything that's been a real constant in my life. In many ways, it has been wonderful. I've ventured out of my comfort zone. I've done so many things that I've never done before. It's been a constant challenge...and honestly, it's been pretty rewarding. I've learned a lot. That's not to say that it has been easy. There's been challenges that have been really tough. Ones that I don't understand why I have to deal with.

I'm not here to talk about all the problems in my life. Everyone deals with challenges. Everyone has issues that they have to deal with. It's a part of life. Whether these hardships change overtime or one disappears in order for another one to appear, I think that we can all agree that challenges are a part of everyday life. Sin entered this world and hardships are now something that we have to constantly deal with.

In the face of that, life seems kind of daunting, doesn't it? I feel you. I really do. In all honestly, life hasn't been the easiest this fall/winter. There's been times when I've lost sight of the goals in front of me. I've forgotten or abandoned the purpose that God has given me. And I wonder why I'm even here. What's the point of all of this? It's awful. I feel ashamed, but you know what? I'm saved. I'm saved by grace. I don't have to be ashamed because God's grace covers all my faults. His forgiveness sets me free. Why am I telling you this? I want you to know me for who I am. I'm a broken human being. I'm sinful. I have my faults. I'm not perfect.

We all deal with different kinds of challenges and hardships. What's important is that you are not alone during those hard times. You are not on your own. God, who's greater than you and any of the problems that you may be going through, is always with you. Even more so (this is something that I've been realizing a lot lately) God will bring certain people into your just at the time when you need them. He has done that a lot for me lately. There are so many people that came into my life just when I needed them. They are such a blessing and they don't even know it. I have so much to be thankful for.

This just goes to show that you may be a blessing in someone else's life without even knowing it. Someone may be going through a really rough point in their life and your words may be just what they need to hear. You never know. So be kind. Show the grace and love that God has shown you. Such things can go a long way. You may never know how much of a difference you're making in other people's lives. Be the light that you want to see in this broken world. Hold on tightly to the relationships you have. They are more precious and rare that any jewel that can be found on this earth.

G Paige

Thankfulness Thursday

November.

A month of Thanksgiving.

So much has happened since I last wrote.

I don't remember a year where things were constantly changing so much. I love change. I really and honestly do. But there's change that makes me feel so much joy and excited inside and then there's change that is sad and painful. Things are constantly changing. None of us have a chance of stopping it. It is just the way that the world works. We just have to constantly readjust to the change.

There's been a lot of both lately. Last week, I left Michigan. Long before the sun began to rise, my two roommates drove me to the airport. There were heartfelt goodbyes to be had. The three of us had lived out our lives together for more than four and a half months. We had become close. Really close. I left them Wednesday and have been holding back tears ever since.

The night before I left, we were all seated around the table. It was quiet, each of us lost in our thoughts. Somber ones at that. It was at that moment that one of my roommates suggested each of us going around and telling our favorite memory of the others. As we went around, I realized just how much I have to be thankful for. Leaving them was one of the hardest things that I've done. Truly. But I wouldn't have missed going to Michigan for the world. The skills I acquired there. The relationships that I developed. Even though it made it so much harder to leave, it was still so worth it to go.

I've had the opportunity to travel a lot. Traveling is something that I've come to absolutely love. I can't even imagine a life where I lived in the same area for more than a few years. It's hard to just think about. One of the hardships of moving around is all the people I leave behind. I've said more goodbyes than I care to count. But the world is small. I have friends in many different places so there's a good chance that we'll meet again.

This gives me hope. But even if I don't see them again, I still find worth in investing in those relationships. Relationships are so important. Whether it's long distance or close, invest time in people. Things are constantly changing in this day and age. But relationships are constant. The relationship itself may morph and change over the years, but it is still there. You can move away and still keep in touch.

I am so thankful for the relationships that I have. I wouldn't change any of them. They mean more to me than anything. Things fade and pass away, but the people, the people stay.

G Paige

This post is a part of Grace's blog link-up Thankfulness Thursday.

Click the link and check her blog out!

Life. People. Purpose. Meaning. What's Important?

I'm here.

Can you hear me?

The silence is deafening.

Does it make a difference whether I write or not? I would like to think that it does. Maybe, just maybe, my words will mean something to someone.

Words. They can mean so many different things. Hope. Anger. Joy. Sadness. Contentment. The list is long. Much longer than the space I have here.

Life is a hectic, busy mess. Seeing friends, both old and new. Conversations, some involving tears. Others that make me so happy that I can't help but smile.

Often, there are times when I'm just done. I don't want to have anything to do with this world or the people in it. It's too hard. But sometimes, I'm able to see the beauty of life. Though there are times when it is so hard to just keep moving forward, that makes those precious moments and memories so much sweeter.

Life is not just about me. I've known that for a long time. But I think that I've only fully begun to understand just what that means when you live it out. It involves going out of your way to make a difference in the lives of the people around you. Sometimes that's as simple as sending a text to someone, showing him or her that you care and you're thinking of them. Other times it takes a little more effort. Like taking time out of your day to talk to someone who's struggling. Or spending some money to make another person's day. It takes effort. It's hard. But the results are so worth it.

It is so much more important to understand that what you do matters. Especially since life isn't about you...or me. It really matters. Every action you take has some effect on those around you. There's no way around it. What you do matters. So find what's important to you. What is your purpose? Find those things that fulfill your purpose and bring meaning into your life. Once you find them, pursue them. Don't pursue them halfheartedly. PURSUE THEM. Chase them. If it takes doing something that you don't enjoy for the time being to get to what you do enjoy. Do it. If it takes letting go of some things in order to spend time on what's actually important to you. Do it. Don't wait. Nothing's going to change until you make a move.

Plenty of people talk about waiting for an answer from God before making a move to follow or pursue some dream. I'm not against that. There's a time and a place for that. For sure. But more often than not I find that we need to make the first move before we get an answer from God. Let's say that you're in the driver's seat of a car. God is the steering wheel to lead you in the right direction. You have to press the gas pedal in order for God to steer you in the right direction. The steering wheel is useless until the car is moving. You can't tell which direction you're headed until you start to move. And maybe there will be a time that you'll head in the wrong direction. That's entirely possible. In fact, it is probable. For that, I can tell you only one thing. God is great at redirecting. He will make sure that you are following the plan that he has for your life even though you can't see it. He knows your purpose backward and forwards. He's not going to let you go down the wrong path forever.

G Paige

Learning to Let Go

This past week was a very long week. I have never worked so many hours in one week in my entire life (I think I had about forty-five hours in?). Then again, this was only my second week of work. There is so much to get used to and readjust to. Also, I can't believe that it is July. Time has passed so quickly these last few months. I feel like it was only a moment ago that I was in Ecuador, but no, it was over a month ago!

I know that in my last post I talked a lot about my missions trip and my job, but that wasn't all that has happened in the past month or so. I got home from Ecuador only to be smacked in the face with a really tough situation. It left me in a lot of tears. I was extremely upset. I was sad. I was angry. I was a whole mess of emotions. Any amount of trust or views that I held of this one person were torn apart and scattered to the wind. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know where to begin. I had never dealt with anything like this. I could have never imagine that something like this would happen. Not to me. Not through someone so close to me.

Over a month later and I'm still trying to figure things out. Lately, I've been so busy that I've been able to block out the whole situation. But when I have some free time and I'm able to think, that's when it hits me. It messes me up. Emotionally and mentally. It really hurts. I want to this pain to go away. I want to throw it at someone. I want to let it go. But I don't do either. I hold onto it. I think some part of me thinks that I brought this upon myself. That I deserve this. It's my fault.

I've been struggling with these and so many other thoughts a lot recently. This whole situation has led me to some important understandings about God and about myself. I find these things to be very important. Which is why I want to share what I've learned with you in hopes that they'll be somewhat helpful to you as you journey on through the adventure of life.

First of all, you can't change people. This is something that I desperately wish was untrue, but it isn't. We, as human beings, do not have the power to change people. We certainly have the power to influence people and in that way we change people in small ways. But it it impossible for us to really change someone. For real change to happen, change that comes from the heart, only God can accomplish.

And honestly, I don't want to believe that. I was to take control. I want to change people. Right here. Right now. But that isn't up to me. That's up to those people and God. I can't make their decisions for them. The knowledge that I can't make other people's decision. The fact that I am not in charge of other people and their actions. This leads me to the conclusion that there is only so much that I can do for others. I can be as big of an influence as possible to people, but in the end, they have to make the decisions. They can change, but I can't change them.

You can only lead someone in the right direction.

You can't make them take that step.

Once that you have done all that you can do, you have to learn to let go. That is the last point I want to make. Letting go is something that I don't do very well. I want to hold on. I want to have control. I want to make a difference. I feel like if I let go, I'm giving up. I feel like I'll have regrets. I always feel like there's something more that I can do. Opportunities that I should've taken advantage of. It's not true though. Sometimes you come to the point where there is nothing you can do. There's a point where you've done all that you can do and now it's up to the other person to make their move. At the end of the day, everyone has to make their own decisions.

I'm not going to say that any of this is easy. It isn't. I'm still trying to figure it all out with the situation I'm working through. Really, it's going to take a lot of time and effort to pull through this, but it will all be worth it in the end. And I know that I will feel better for following through with what I've learned.

G Paige